I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
