Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
