Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
