Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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