omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
