he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize