I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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