I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
