we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
