I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
