two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
