When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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