I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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