Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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