The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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