if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
