Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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