i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
