So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
