a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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