I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize