ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
