the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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