literally had 100 drinks last night.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
