When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
