just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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