i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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