How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
