it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
