I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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