I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize