I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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