i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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