Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
