My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
