so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
