The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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