that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
