Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
