i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Found your dick twin last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
