see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
