i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
