In the future we'll all be gay
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
