shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
