Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
