I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
