If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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