Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize