Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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