Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So squirting runs in the family.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
