woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My balls are so social today.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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