Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize