I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
