i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
