she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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