i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
