he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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