So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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