I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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