His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
