3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
kristin has been a bad kristin
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
