i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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