You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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