don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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