he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
