this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
