I bet he comes in French.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
