I want to walk on stilts...naked
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
