you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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