Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
