Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
