How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
