I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
