just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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