Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
