Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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