You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
