roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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