My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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