I showed him my bush... on skype.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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