you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
