I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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