last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
