There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
