Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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