it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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