she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
