Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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