Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize