Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
