He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
