If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
