No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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