Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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